The Nightly National News comes on every weeknight at 18:00. It begins with a 30-second music and graphics intro, engineered with the latest in distractive hypnosis aesthetics, attention-grabbing and lulling simultaneously. All the screens across the nation, whether wall-mounted monitors, cell phones, or retro-designed television-like models, are equipped with Stimulant-Attention-Sensors (SAS). These gauge audience news-approval based on metrics like eye-dilation, heart rate, hydration levels, and facial muscle contraction, doing real-time national data analysis to measure not only favorability of current events, but also things like credibility, sexual arousal and addiction capacity. More primitive recording devices are also employed for capturing what people say, and more commonly, to measure cheers, jeers, booing and crying. A citizen data-point is also registered if the SAS registers any human absence. Welcome to the Nightly National News. I’m your host. Cool of y’all to join us. F...